Keeping a child protected from a predator is unarguably a priority, I recognize this and I’ve never given birth. We’re cautious of entrusting our children with strangers but dangers within the home at times go unnoticed. Our babies are being robbed of their innocence and the thief is someone they’ve been told to trust.

I was watching Antwone Fisher recently and although I’ve seen it a hundred times since its 2003 release I still get the urge to smack Nadine through the TV screen. If you’ve never seen the movie, she was a foster care relative that used a child for sexual pleasures. Please don’t take this thought to be a criticism of the foster care system, because it’s not – reality is there are quite a few pedophiles related by blood and that’s a problem.

Sadly, finding someone to interview for this discussion wasn’t a difficult task. In fact, the topic was presented to me. I’ve made the decision to keep her identity confidential; however, she will see the post.

Q: What are you comfortable telling me about your abuser?

A: He was a close relative, someone I spent the majority of my time with. He was welcome to the slumber parties and sleep overs because we were related. The door could always be closed when we were together because we were kids playing too loud while the adults were taking care of business. He is all that’s wrong with me today.

Q: How did the abuse start?

A: Honestly I don’t know! Through therapy discussion I recall watching movies where people were kissing and he’d say we should act like the people on the TV – or looking at a magazine and him commenting on the models boobs and teasing me about not having any. I remember lifting my shirt to show that I did – but I still can’t say when the abuse started.

Q: Some would say it started with that first scripted kiss, do you agree?

A: I struggle with that question because it’s not unhealthy for relatives to share a kiss. Outwardly expressions of love should be acceptable! It becomes a problem when an expression of love becomes lustful, that’s what we have to watch for.

Q: How much are you comfortable sharing about your situation?

A: I shared stories with my abuser about having sex for the first time – a few months later he raped me. Afterwards, he told my parents that he caught me having sex, which resulted in me being confined to the house or required to have someone with me when I left. I was dropped off and picked up from school. Of course the close relative is the likely person for you to be trusted with, which provided a lot of opportunity for us to be alone together. Whenever he wanted sex he’d ask if I wanted him to tell I had a boy in the house – afraid of being sent to boarding school, which is what my parents threatened as a punishment for being a fast ass, I’d do what he asked.

Q: What made the abuse stop?

A: I started doing really poorly in school and getting high – sniffing glue was my drug of choice. My parents decided I needed therapy and made me talk to someone at the church. What seemed like a good idea turned out to be my worst nightmare. After pouring my heart out to the “counselor” my parents were advised of the conversation, my abuser was called into a meeting, and a plan to pray the spirit of incest out of “US” was developed. Yea, after a few hours of discussion it was determined that I was willingly engaged in a sexual relationship with my abuser but holy water, anointed oil, and scripture for 24 hours would correct all that was wrong.

Q: What was done for your drug use?

A: The drug use wasn’t on the prayer list, I guess that wasn’t major in comparison to the sexual behaviors. My mental health wasn’t either – never did anyone stop to question if I told the truth. As a result of neither being addressed both spiraled out of control. I found a high in products you’d never think of and washed it down with brown liquor. The 24 hour prayer-thon didn’t remove the memories but addiction allowed me to deal with them.

Q: You’re an adult now, with your own child, how are you coping?

A: I have a foundation of supportive people surrounding me. I’ve been drug and alcohol free since before my child was born, and that was 8 years ago. I regularly see a provider that manages the medications I take for depression and anxiety. I have conversations with my child about good touch bad touch and the importance of coming to me if ever there is an uncomfortable exchange. Funny story: I got a telephone call from the school that I had to come see the teacher because there was a problem. With my child just returning to in person learning I couldn’t imagine what could have happened so I rushed to the meeting. The teacher explained that my child demanded I be called and started crying uncontrollably – she hasn’t been able figure out what’s wrong. My heart dropped in my stomach and my 1st thought was someone bad touched my baby. After being called to the meeting my child ran into my arms hysterically crying and shared that a classmate asked to share snacks. My precious child had celery sticks and peanut butter – the classmate had apples. My daughter didn’t want to share “because of the Covid” but the classmate dipped her apple in the peanut butter anyway. My baby felt violated and wanted my help. I laugh about that story now, but inside I wish someone had rushed to save me when I was being violated.

If you are a victim of sexual abuse please contact someone certified to help you. For resource information go to: https://www.rainn.org/resources