Tag Archives: #prayforme

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

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Today I’m feeling the weight of the world, and it’s heavier than I can bear. I’m exhausted in my place of comfort and frustrated with the inhabitants. There’s a sickness hidden within the walls that I’m no longer equipped to deal with. This isn’t a thought of defeat – it’s simply a thought of disgust!

I failed when I accepted the “I’m fine” assertion – yea, that was a complete disservice to myself and the situation. By the time I accepted that I couldn’t correct the behaviors it was too late.

I reached out to others for assistance and they tried, but how do you help a person that doesn’t know they need help nor want it?

The easiest thing to do is to remove myself from the situation, but that action wouldn’t prove to be advantageous – in fact it may do more harm. The more difficult option won’t be well received by any means, but it’s heavily in consideration.

I often state that I’m not an expert at anything but being Lisa, today I question my credentials.

A line from one of my favorite movies is “Sister can’t fly on only one wing” – Sparkle, 1976. Sister, played by Lonette Mckee, applied this reasoning to her need for cocaine to function. Her baby sister Sparkle, played by Irene Cara, became an addiction enabler, which was the easier route. Sister ended up dying from an overdose!

Um, enabler ….. that’s what I’ve become! There isn’t a drug involved in my situation, the dangers aren’t visible behind closed doors, but the potential for disaster exists. I know experts say a person can’t be forced into receiving help before they’re ready but in my case ready really needs to come quick!

E-X-H-A-L-E – if only choices came with a look into the future, I’m sure we’d choose differently – I know I would have swung the closed door open sooner…….

Understanding

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While perusing social media today I came across an article discussing the murder of Daunte Wright. The focal point of the story was the resignation of the officer that shot him and the investigation into how the “deadly accident” occurred.

I have a habit of going through the comments after reading a post – it’s my belief that they afford me a glimpse into the mindset of people from varying backgrounds. There’s so much more to the world than the Philly state of mind – ha, that’s funny considering………..

Stepping away from the feelings of an angry black woman for a moment, I can vehemently state that my heart breaks for the mother grieving the loss of her child! The death is devastating for her – the circumstances surrounding the loss are unbearable. While her heart is shattered into pieces, the bloodshed of her son has sparked debates on if he should have resisted and if his record justified the shooting.

Disclaimer: it is my belief that no one should ever be pulled over for a traffic violation and end up dead! If this statement bothers you my thought tonight isn’t for you!

In recent months we’ve seen a mass shooting in Georgia and another in Colorado, in both instances the shooters were apprehended. In the not so distant past we’ve had people killed in churches, and again arrest were made. We’ve also seen a marathon bombed, and yup another arrest – but for some odd reason traffic stops keep ending in murder?!….

I want to understand, but not at the expense of a grieving family. I want to understand, but not at the expense of riots and city wide destruction. I want to understand, but not at the expense of accepting this as a way of life.

One of the comments I read said: Daunte had an outstanding warrant for a gun charge, knowing the threat the police reacted accordingly.  I questioned if the outstanding warrant was a threat – because a cop was killed in Colorado and the killer was arrested. I want to understand!

Another comment spoke to police being human and possessing a degree of fear that makes them vulnerable – I’d imagine the insurgence on the Capitol being a tense situation. I want to understand!

I get it! I know why I don’t understand!My level of understanding is compromised by the lack of understanding shown towards life loss, black lives loss. This can’t be life and until change is realized, I will never understand!

Stay In Your Lane Lisa!

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The year was 2010, I believe the month to have been August. My cousin passed and my family from near and far gathered to celebrate her life.

The service was intimate and upbeat while the message primarily focused on her longevity and the lives she touched. I recall feeling a sense of peace, which was odd because she was the sixth immediate relative to be buried in ten months. I’ve often referred to that as the worst year my family has had to endure, worst being defined by the number of people we loss.

I cope with death by mentally making sense out of it. I’ll tell myself “they lived a good life”, “they’re no longer suffering”, “they can rest now” … and for the most part the sting is lessened. I recognize death approaching and start coaching myself in advance, so it won’t catch me off guard. I prepare myself!

As of late I’ve been battling with a fear of being unprepared. It’s a fear caused by the current homicide rate on target to be higher than it has ever been. It’s a fear caused by outwardly expressions of racism and hatred. It’s a fear caused by my love for the men in my life, all black men for that matter. It’s a fear caused by major illness developing earlier in life. It’s a fear I’ve not yet been able to develop a coping mechanism against.

The message of longevity is no longer relative ……. and I don’t know how to prepare for that!

I’m thinking this through as I write, because as you know this blog is a compilation of my thoughts, and it has occurred to me that maybe I’m not supposed to prepare. Maybe I should process death as it occurs and deal with the associated emotions at that appointed time. Maybe trying to prepare is stepping into territory I have no control over…….

Wait a minute, could that be my true fear – not having control?

Oh Lisa, you silly girl….. Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells you “there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”. How can you prepare for something that’s predestined?

(1) Stay grounded in your faith, whatever that may be. (2) Pray for strength and understanding (3) Recognize that which you can’t control and focus on what you can. (4) Put good into the atmosphere (5) Trust that you’re going to be ok, even when things aren’t ok. (6) Pray for others

In other words, Stay in your lane Lisa!

Help Us!

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Tonight I’m hurting, because those surrounding me are. Tonight my mind is operating in overdrive, so I’ll leave you with this thought:

Lord and Savior Jesus Christ HELP US! Our world is in need of your presence right now. Homicide rates, addiction and sickness have grown more powerful than we ourselves can manage while respect of others has become modern day strange fruit.

We need you in a bad way right now, HELP US!