Tag Archives: #livelifefully

Urgent Reminder

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I need to remind myself of a few things this evening ……..

1) Bring the best version of yourself to every situation – there’s no guarantee you’ll be received with open arms but you’ll walk away with no regrets.

2) Don’t hesitate to give up anything or anyone that causes you to question your worth.

3) There are a lot of broken people with good intentions, don’t allow everyone to pour into you.

3.1) The person / place / or thing that leaves you feeling inspired is what / who you should gravitate towards.

3.2) The person / place / or thing that leaves you mentally drained shouldn’t have a permanent position at your table.

4) Your bad days are temporary, don’t exist within those moments long term.

5) you are more than enough! You are more than enough! YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH!

I tend to get inside of my own head when something isn’t going right. I’ve learned that my sanity rests within the narrative of my thoughts – so anytime I’m feeling mentally overwhelmed I recite positive affirmations to encourage myself. In talking with a friend recently I was asked “why not encourage yourself before there’s trouble on the horizon?” – Great idea!

Let’s talk about: overcoming fear

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I recall friendships as far back as my teenage years. I’ll categorize myself as being lucky because I’m halfway through adulthood and the love between myself and the majority of those individuals still exist.

There’s one particular friendship that started off quite rocky – in actuality I don’t know how we made it this far without killing one another and truth be told you can’t leave us together too long now without there being an arguement or two. Having said that, there’s nothing within my power that I won’t do to help her and I trust that to be reciprocal.

The pandemic hasn’t been kind to her, it actually wouldn’t be extreme to say she’s been through hell and spends everyday fighting to find her way back to normalcy.  This edition of “Let’s talk about” focuses on Erica C. McLean (Ricky): a proud member of Woodcrest United Church of Christ, a retired teacher, and a Godmom / Auntie to many.

To begin with allow me to share with you the medical conditions Ricky lives with on a daily basis: Fibromyalgia, Lipo Lymphedema, Morbid Obesity, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, Hypertension, Sciatica, Migraines, and ADHD. This is important because it’s a major contributor to her most recent diagnosis which presented itself in 2020.

As the constant report of people dying from Covid-19 complications played on our airwaves Ricky was forced to accept that she was at risk due to multiple comorbidities. This realization resulted in her isolating herself in her home, alone – it also created a space for anxiety to seep in – a space she has been unable to escape from for the past fifteen months.

About six months ago I started receiving hand written letters in the mail from my friend. They’d come once a month and include show / music recommendations, words of positive affirmation in regards to my brand, drawings, and whatever else was on Ricky’s heart / mind. She doesn’t know this yet but I cried when I got the first letter, partly because I’m now on the hook to write back (which I haven’t done yet) and partly because those conversations we once had around food and drinks is limited to paper and pen because fear keeps her from leaving her home.

I’ve heard of agoraphobia in the past but needed more knowledge in order to understand why the dynamics of my friendship changed. I needed to know if there was something I could do to help her through this, other than going to her house and snatching her out kicking and screaming- which was my first thought.

Once she became transparent I learned that she’s already working with a mental health provider in addition to her health team and writing letters are a part of maintaining contact with loved ones. She’s fighting and it’s my job to be ringside for every round, that’s the best source of support I can provide.

I asked my friend to share a few thoughts on her current status, these are her words:

Please check on your family, friends and neighbors. Black and Brown People, it is okay to get counseling /
therapy. Even in the pandemic I have been Zooming my Doctors, and Church Activities. I Facetime family and friends, I journal daily, I read the Bible more. Our church has a prayer group twice a week. Still be active in life while you are fixing your life. I may not be able to step outside my house right now, but I have stepped out of my comfort zone in other ways. I am learning new skills for when I get my
anxiety level controlled and can physically enter back into society.

Let’s talk about alcoholism

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There’s a family secret invading households that doesn’t show discrimination – financial security doesn’t exempt you – gender preference doesn’t protect you – race nor religion won’t make the battle less difficult!

This secret damages self esteem and morale leaving hurt along its path. If ignored or swept under the rug long enough the battle passes down from generation to generation, terrorizing bloodlines.

For today’s thought I spoke to someone near and dear to my heart about her struggle with alcohol. I’ve celebrated her best and supported her through her worst, never truly understanding what her worst looked like behind closed doors. She’s my cousin but more like a sister, here is a glimpse into her life as an alcoholic.

Q: How did you know you had a problem with alcohol?

A: There were times I would say I wasn’t going to drink today or this week then next thing I knew I was drinking. I graduated from casually wanting a drink to needing a drink to function daily. I lost self control! The first of the twelve steps as it relates to Alcoholics Anonymous is to admit we are powerless over alcohol and that our life has become unmanageable.

Q: How has addiction affected your family?

A: I’m well loved and cared for and I know this for sure! My mom told me I needed to get help probably everyday. She threatened to have my kids taken from me, the whole nine yards, lol! My concern came when I could no longer be in denial about how my children were being affected. I was present physically but mentally and emotionally I was not there for them. At the end of the day everyone has a suggestion and or opinion, especially from the outside looking in, but none of that mattered until I began to dislike the person I had become.

Q: What was your breaking point?

A: My rock bottom was blacking out: not being able to remember long moments of time, phone calls being made, text being sent, ordering take out for the kids dinner, cussing people out for no reason other than me being drunk (although it is said a drunk tongue speaks a sober heart) so maybe they did deserve it – but seriously blacking out did it for me because I could only imagine it getting worse if it continued. Then there were the constant hangovers and uncontrollable shakes, yup all that going on became too much! Drinking was no longer pleasurable, my tolerance was increasing and it became an expensive habit.

Q: What does “one day at a time” look like in your life?

A: Simply put, just as I feel about the first step it means exactly what it says one day at a time – but for me there are moments when its one second, one minute, one hour at a time so each day is monumental for sure when you are an addict. It’s also the inspiration for my next tattoo and a possible name for my business venture.

Q: What advice can you provide someone struggling with alcoholism?

A: Find YOUR reason and believe in a higher power, something / someone higher than yourself – allow that to guide and motivate you. Do not allow yourself to be pressured, forced, manipulated or guilt tripped into seeking help IF you’re not ready. Its your journey and yours alone no matter how big your support system is (which is a beautiful thing, mine is da bomb). No one is in control of your sobriety but you! Keep in mind relapse is a part of sobriety as well so if that happens, tomorrow is a new day!

Cindy Maria is the mother of two and a Glam-ma of two. She’s born and raised in Philadelphia and the oldest of four children. In addition to making her business concept a reality she works full time and rarely misses an opportunity to create memories with family and friends. I thank her for allowing me to share her truth, in hopes of helping someone else.

If you or someone you love is an alcoholic and ready to get help please visit: http://www.aa.org

Stand

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“Tell me, how do you handle the guilt of your past?
Tell me, how do you deal with the shame?
And how can you smile while your heart has been broken
And filled with pain?” – Donnie McClurkin

This became one of my hype songs a few years ago when I was finding my way out of a situation. I was heavily in the midst of a “this is your fault” moment and punishing myself with a “you deserve it because” mindset when the song caught my attention.

I didn’t notice tears had began to stream down my face – I never turned the sound down but everything around me went silent – Other than a gentle rock back and forth I was unable to move.

In its entirety the song lasts approximately five minutes and twenty three seconds, that’s how long it took to cleanse myself of the hurt and pain I had been holding onto for too long.

In that moment I was dealing with “a” thing but unbeknownst to me a “bunch” of things had merged together and created “that” thing. It’s the “bunch” that I needed to let go of and the strength to do so came to me in the form of a melody.

Let me attempt to explain: have you ever given your best to someone who betrayed you, swore you’d never go through that with anyone else, then found yourself in a similar situation with someone else? – Stand!

Have you ever willingly participated in wrongdoing and came out unscathed but mentally battered? – Stand!

Have you ever lessened your self worth for the approval of someone else? – Stand!

Have you disappointed yourself in thought, word, or action? – Stand!

I look back on “that” thing and I have a testimony to tell (one day). I trust without a doubt that I’d be on a merry-go-round of actions and emotions if that moment had not occurred. I can’t explain why it happened when it did but I’m thankful for the cleansing.

Addiction, adultery, abuse, fornication, neglect, greed, illiteracy, failure to forgive…….. these are some of “the” things that form into “bunches”. These are the things that fester within us, poisoning our ability to love ourselves and others. These are the things we need to purge ourselves of so we can, so our children can, live life richly.

There’s a melody already written that will speak to your “thing”! Until it reaches your hearing, hold on …. or as the lyrics say, Stand!