Tag Archives: #grief

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

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Today I’m feeling the weight of the world, and it’s heavier than I can bear. I’m exhausted in my place of comfort and frustrated with the inhabitants. There’s a sickness hidden within the walls that I’m no longer equipped to deal with. This isn’t a thought of defeat – it’s simply a thought of disgust!

I failed when I accepted the “I’m fine” assertion – yea, that was a complete disservice to myself and the situation. By the time I accepted that I couldn’t correct the behaviors it was too late.

I reached out to others for assistance and they tried, but how do you help a person that doesn’t know they need help nor want it?

The easiest thing to do is to remove myself from the situation, but that action wouldn’t prove to be advantageous – in fact it may do more harm. The more difficult option won’t be well received by any means, but it’s heavily in consideration.

I often state that I’m not an expert at anything but being Lisa, today I question my credentials.

A line from one of my favorite movies is “Sister can’t fly on only one wing” – Sparkle, 1976. Sister, played by Lonette Mckee, applied this reasoning to her need for cocaine to function. Her baby sister Sparkle, played by Irene Cara, became an addiction enabler, which was the easier route. Sister ended up dying from an overdose!

Um, enabler ….. that’s what I’ve become! There isn’t a drug involved in my situation, the dangers aren’t visible behind closed doors, but the potential for disaster exists. I know experts say a person can’t be forced into receiving help before they’re ready but in my case ready really needs to come quick!

E-X-H-A-L-E – if only choices came with a look into the future, I’m sure we’d choose differently – I know I would have swung the closed door open sooner…….

Understanding

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While perusing social media today I came across an article discussing the murder of Daunte Wright. The focal point of the story was the resignation of the officer that shot him and the investigation into how the “deadly accident” occurred.

I have a habit of going through the comments after reading a post – it’s my belief that they afford me a glimpse into the mindset of people from varying backgrounds. There’s so much more to the world than the Philly state of mind – ha, that’s funny considering………..

Stepping away from the feelings of an angry black woman for a moment, I can vehemently state that my heart breaks for the mother grieving the loss of her child! The death is devastating for her – the circumstances surrounding the loss are unbearable. While her heart is shattered into pieces, the bloodshed of her son has sparked debates on if he should have resisted and if his record justified the shooting.

Disclaimer: it is my belief that no one should ever be pulled over for a traffic violation and end up dead! If this statement bothers you my thought tonight isn’t for you!

In recent months we’ve seen a mass shooting in Georgia and another in Colorado, in both instances the shooters were apprehended. In the not so distant past we’ve had people killed in churches, and again arrest were made. We’ve also seen a marathon bombed, and yup another arrest – but for some odd reason traffic stops keep ending in murder?!….

I want to understand, but not at the expense of a grieving family. I want to understand, but not at the expense of riots and city wide destruction. I want to understand, but not at the expense of accepting this as a way of life.

One of the comments I read said: Daunte had an outstanding warrant for a gun charge, knowing the threat the police reacted accordingly.  I questioned if the outstanding warrant was a threat – because a cop was killed in Colorado and the killer was arrested. I want to understand!

Another comment spoke to police being human and possessing a degree of fear that makes them vulnerable – I’d imagine the insurgence on the Capitol being a tense situation. I want to understand!

I get it! I know why I don’t understand!My level of understanding is compromised by the lack of understanding shown towards life loss, black lives loss. This can’t be life and until change is realized, I will never understand!

Another

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Another black man was killed this weekend – am I referring to the one shot by police during a traffic stop or the one gunned down in the middle of the street left to be discovered by the innocent eyes of a passerby?

Another mother grieves tonight – has her pain been caused by the negligent hands of someone sworn to protect and serve the community or by the actions of a failed community?

Another debate grows on social media – are police killings more despicable than black on black murders or is it simply an easier mountain of disgust to climb.

Another can’t always relate to the harshness of the world – there has to be some good found within in order for sanity to be maintained…………..

Another opportunity for me to give thanks for the protection surrounding me and my family. Another opportunity for life to be lived, to be enjoyed, to be valued. Another opportunity for me to give and receive love. Another opportunity for me to be at peace with knowing that as bad as today looks tomorrow is just over the horizon.

another day of reflection – another opportunity to share my thoughts!