Tag Archives: #forgiveyourself

Mistakes

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I’ve played the bad and bougie role and ended up with a credit score in the five hundred range and materialistic items that I’ve either misplaced, outgrown, or couldn’t maintain.

I’ve sat in the side jawn seat and ended up with a broken heart and a belief that true love is only found in fairytales – I’m not a princess; therefore, I couldn’t be worthy.

I’ve drank excessively in a moment of celebration and ended up with a headache that didn’t respond to treatment and vomiting that couldn’t be controlled.

I’ve made mistakes!

The mistakes I’ve made aren’t as important as the lessons I’ve learned – the mistakes you’ve made aren’t as important as the lessons you’ve learned!

The trick here is to learn from the mistake and not harbor thoughts, feelings, nor emotions that cause you to spiral downward deeper into it. Not being able to forgive yourself limits your growth! Not being able to let go keeps you entrapped.

On more than one occasion mistakes will happen, that’s guaranteed! Some will walk away unscathed while others will have victory scars – both have a success story to tell!

Success takes a lot of work and won’t be achieved quickly. For me that process involved limiting my buying to items I need and can justify purchasing, severing a relationship that I’d grown comfortable with but couldn’t advance in, and recognizing a family disposition to alcohol intolerance – I still enjoy a nice cocktail but I know my individual limit and cut myself off before reaching it.

Pinpoint the mistakes you’re currently trapped in and write out a plan to free yourself from it. Make your steps manageable, something you can chomp away at day by day and start working on it tomorrow. Remember that to err is human so it’s likely that you’ll mess up again, don’t wallow in that moment.

Mistakes are to be learned from not lived in!

Let’s talk about alcoholism

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There’s a family secret invading households that doesn’t show discrimination – financial security doesn’t exempt you – gender preference doesn’t protect you – race nor religion won’t make the battle less difficult!

This secret damages self esteem and morale leaving hurt along its path. If ignored or swept under the rug long enough the battle passes down from generation to generation, terrorizing bloodlines.

For today’s thought I spoke to someone near and dear to my heart about her struggle with alcohol. I’ve celebrated her best and supported her through her worst, never truly understanding what her worst looked like behind closed doors. She’s my cousin but more like a sister, here is a glimpse into her life as an alcoholic.

Q: How did you know you had a problem with alcohol?

A: There were times I would say I wasn’t going to drink today or this week then next thing I knew I was drinking. I graduated from casually wanting a drink to needing a drink to function daily. I lost self control! The first of the twelve steps as it relates to Alcoholics Anonymous is to admit we are powerless over alcohol and that our life has become unmanageable.

Q: How has addiction affected your family?

A: I’m well loved and cared for and I know this for sure! My mom told me I needed to get help probably everyday. She threatened to have my kids taken from me, the whole nine yards, lol! My concern came when I could no longer be in denial about how my children were being affected. I was present physically but mentally and emotionally I was not there for them. At the end of the day everyone has a suggestion and or opinion, especially from the outside looking in, but none of that mattered until I began to dislike the person I had become.

Q: What was your breaking point?

A: My rock bottom was blacking out: not being able to remember long moments of time, phone calls being made, text being sent, ordering take out for the kids dinner, cussing people out for no reason other than me being drunk (although it is said a drunk tongue speaks a sober heart) so maybe they did deserve it – but seriously blacking out did it for me because I could only imagine it getting worse if it continued. Then there were the constant hangovers and uncontrollable shakes, yup all that going on became too much! Drinking was no longer pleasurable, my tolerance was increasing and it became an expensive habit.

Q: What does “one day at a time” look like in your life?

A: Simply put, just as I feel about the first step it means exactly what it says one day at a time – but for me there are moments when its one second, one minute, one hour at a time so each day is monumental for sure when you are an addict. It’s also the inspiration for my next tattoo and a possible name for my business venture.

Q: What advice can you provide someone struggling with alcoholism?

A: Find YOUR reason and believe in a higher power, something / someone higher than yourself – allow that to guide and motivate you. Do not allow yourself to be pressured, forced, manipulated or guilt tripped into seeking help IF you’re not ready. Its your journey and yours alone no matter how big your support system is (which is a beautiful thing, mine is da bomb). No one is in control of your sobriety but you! Keep in mind relapse is a part of sobriety as well so if that happens, tomorrow is a new day!

Cindy Maria is the mother of two and a Glam-ma of two. She’s born and raised in Philadelphia and the oldest of four children. In addition to making her business concept a reality she works full time and rarely misses an opportunity to create memories with family and friends. I thank her for allowing me to share her truth, in hopes of helping someone else.

If you or someone you love is an alcoholic and ready to get help please visit: http://www.aa.org

Stand

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“Tell me, how do you handle the guilt of your past?
Tell me, how do you deal with the shame?
And how can you smile while your heart has been broken
And filled with pain?” – Donnie McClurkin

This became one of my hype songs a few years ago when I was finding my way out of a situation. I was heavily in the midst of a “this is your fault” moment and punishing myself with a “you deserve it because” mindset when the song caught my attention.

I didn’t notice tears had began to stream down my face – I never turned the sound down but everything around me went silent – Other than a gentle rock back and forth I was unable to move.

In its entirety the song lasts approximately five minutes and twenty three seconds, that’s how long it took to cleanse myself of the hurt and pain I had been holding onto for too long.

In that moment I was dealing with “a” thing but unbeknownst to me a “bunch” of things had merged together and created “that” thing. It’s the “bunch” that I needed to let go of and the strength to do so came to me in the form of a melody.

Let me attempt to explain: have you ever given your best to someone who betrayed you, swore you’d never go through that with anyone else, then found yourself in a similar situation with someone else? – Stand!

Have you ever willingly participated in wrongdoing and came out unscathed but mentally battered? – Stand!

Have you ever lessened your self worth for the approval of someone else? – Stand!

Have you disappointed yourself in thought, word, or action? – Stand!

I look back on “that” thing and I have a testimony to tell (one day). I trust without a doubt that I’d be on a merry-go-round of actions and emotions if that moment had not occurred. I can’t explain why it happened when it did but I’m thankful for the cleansing.

Addiction, adultery, abuse, fornication, neglect, greed, illiteracy, failure to forgive…….. these are some of “the” things that form into “bunches”. These are the things that fester within us, poisoning our ability to love ourselves and others. These are the things we need to purge ourselves of so we can, so our children can, live life richly.

There’s a melody already written that will speak to your “thing”! Until it reaches your hearing, hold on …. or as the lyrics say, Stand!