Tag Archives: #Expectations

Giving ME all I need

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“Ain’t no way for me to love you
If you won’t let me
It ain’t no way for me to give you all ya need
If you won’t let me give all of me” Aretha Franklin – “Ain’t No Way” – 1968

It’s amusing to me that a song released three years prior to my birth is on my top twenty five favorites list, but it is. It has become my anthem of understanding in an odd way and you might catch me singing the intro whenever I need to be reminded of my purpose.

Knowing a loved one is in the midst of a storm sends me a signal to throw on a cape and rush in to save the day, but what happens when they don’t want to be rescued? How can I fulfill my obligation to help when I’m being shut down and / or shut out?

My obligation?? Let’s think about that for a moment! How have the struggles someone else is enduring become my obligation to fix? Why have I placed that burden upon myself time and time again? Have the words I need you been spoken or is it assumed that because I have means my presence is requested? Who gave me the responsibility of being everything to everybody and who is obligated to keep me together?

Keeping myself together is obligatory! It’s required that I provide myself with nourishment and proper rest, among other things. Without that I can’t be all of me, nor will I be equipped to be any of what my loved one needs IF they call on me.

Putting myself first isn’t selfish, it’s simply a way of ensuring that when I offer myself to another person’s situation I am providing the best version of myself there is.

Understanding that I occasionally need time to myself has helped me appreciate when another person says they want to be alone, even when the urge to swoop in rages.

{exhale} Someone I adore is going through something heavy right now and has stated that they need time alone. I’m devastated for them but respect the space they’re in. I’ve found myself singing tonight…….

Apologetically Flawed

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Today I snapped and yelled at a person that wasn’t the source of my frustration but was the closest to me at the moment my tolerance boiled over.

In that moment, which lasted too long, I became someone I didn’t like.

Transparency Alert: there is a side of me that’s short tempered, unforgiving, judgemental and opinionated. When that side comes out I will scream, curse, and say / do whatever it takes to ensure everyone within ear shot knows someone / something has irritated me.

Just as I began to develop signs of blood pressure elevation the following thought came to mind: “let he who has not sinned throw the first stone”. This replayed in my head until the anger and frustration were gone reminding me that at some point in time I’ve been the source of someone else’s irritation. I have surely done or said something that has caused another person to lose control of themselves and in my arrogance I expected that person to be ok with my actions.

Why would a person accept ugly behaviors from me and why should I accept such from someone else? The answer is quite simple, they shouldn’t and I shouldn’t – nor should I or anyone else use a bad day as justification for idiotic behaviors.

What if I adopt a mantra and recite it to myself throughout the course of my day – would that minimize the opportunity for frustration to build? Could I have my favorite song in a mental storage space to turn on when needed as a stress release? Better yet, can I fix my focus on the person I want to become giving no energy to the ugliness weaved into my character?

This thought doesn’t end with an at my best moment, because today I failed to be such. Instead, it ends with a couple of apologies – one is due to the undeserving person that I lashed out at and the other is due to myself for falling short of my expectations for myself.

Reset button activated!

Tomorrow I sing myself into a peaceful state of being.