Tag Archives: #chooseyourself

Urgent Reminder

Posted on by
Reply

I need to remind myself of a few things this evening ……..

1) Bring the best version of yourself to every situation – there’s no guarantee you’ll be received with open arms but you’ll walk away with no regrets.

2) Don’t hesitate to give up anything or anyone that causes you to question your worth.

3) There are a lot of broken people with good intentions, don’t allow everyone to pour into you.

3.1) The person / place / or thing that leaves you feeling inspired is what / who you should gravitate towards.

3.2) The person / place / or thing that leaves you mentally drained shouldn’t have a permanent position at your table.

4) Your bad days are temporary, don’t exist within those moments long term.

5) you are more than enough! You are more than enough! YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH!

I tend to get inside of my own head when something isn’t going right. I’ve learned that my sanity rests within the narrative of my thoughts – so anytime I’m feeling mentally overwhelmed I recite positive affirmations to encourage myself. In talking with a friend recently I was asked “why not encourage yourself before there’s trouble on the horizon?” – Great idea!

Let’s talk about anxiety

Posted on by
Reply

This platform is a means of sharing my thoughts, and I often find myself thinking of other people. Since taking the step of starting this blog my prayer has consistently been that the words I share will help someone else become a better version of themselves.

There are a lot of conditions plaguing the community that have been labeled taboo to talk about. Because of this stigma people are suffering in silence. This has to end!

According to the “Anxiety and Depression Association of America” 40 million adults in the United States suffer from anxiety. Why aren’t we talking about this?

I asked a friend to share her story of living with anxiety. I sent her questions that she could answer at her own pace, which I will share with you all. She completed the questionnaire in one night and text me that putting her faults on paper was overwhelming. I can’t tell you how proud I am of her for sharing – today we talk about the elephant in the room!

Q) How does living with anxiety feel?

A) Living with anxiety is going throughout the day doubting myself, my actions, and my words. It’s feeling that I cannot live up to expectations others have of me. I feel like my every thought is being judged and my every action is being critiqued. I’m always waiting for the worst case scenario. I feel like I can never truly be happy nor do I deserve to be happy. I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin, then I feel guilty for feeling this way. 

Q) What has your worst day felt like and what triggered it?

A) To pinpoint my worst day is difficult to do. My anxiety presents itself during any given moment of the day – anything can trigger a bad moment. When I have my bad moments it can feel like anything and everything agitates me! Something complex like a project that I’m working on isn’t turning out the way I want it to or something as simple as there’s too much chatter surrounding me can trigger my anxiety. I’ll then get more agitated because I want to sit in silence and can’t understand how people can just go on as normal, when I feel the way I do, unable to understand or unwilling to care.

Q) What methods of coping help you?

A) My ability to cope is different every time: it could be turning on music, or starting up a conversation on something totally different, playing a game on my phone, and even throwing myself into my work. To feel I have accomplished something helps with some part of my anxiety, there’s a sense of peace in knowing that I’ve made a difference to someone.

Q) What do you want people to know about anxiety?

A) ANXIETY HURTS! It hurts in ways both physical and mental. The tension throughout your body makes you feel like a big rubber band – or it settles in one part of your body. In some people it feels like they are having a heart attack, for me it hurts my brain and my soul. Telling someone to “relax” when they are dealing with anxiety does not help – I want to wind down and worry less, but I can’t. If it were as easy as just relaxing don’t you think I would. 

Q) What has anxiety limited you from doing?

A) Anxiety has limited my ability to speak my mind, and has robbed me of confidence. It makes me feel I cannot be at ease in some situations, cause I’m afraid that people will judge me. Maybe I would have a different life if I didn’t feel so limited in myself. 

Q) Where have you found strength:

A) My strength is my son! He is the reason I get up, I work, I live. I know I will need more, especially as he starts exploring life on his own. As he gets older he’ll need me less and I will need to find the strength in me for me. 

If you are dealing with anxiety please know that you’re not alone in the struggle. There is help available: go to adaa.org for information or contact your healthcare provider. You deserve happiness!

Kristi, you are a ROCKSTAR and your breakthrough is on the horizon. You are more than enough and sharing your story will help someone else through theirs. I’m one of your biggest supporters, yesterday-today-tomorrow.

Access Denied

Posted on by
Reply

I caught myself speaking of an individual recently and the comment I made was “I hate him”. Instantly I felt convicted and corrected myself by way of apology and asking the Lord to remove the spirit of hate from within me.

I’m a firm believer that words have power; therefore, speaking hate into the atmosphere gives it strength.

When thinking of why my initial reaction in regards to this individual was less than loving I realized the essence of who he is isn’t loveable. There may be a back story that explains his reason for spreading droplets of misery everywhere he travels, but I’m totally not interested in those details nor his excuses – they should be reserved for his therapist!

My mother tells me regularly that I have to accept people for who they are and deal with them accordingly. I respectfully disagree – I don’t have to deal with levels of ignorance that incite rage within me! There’s not a scripture that says I have to stand as a whipping post for anyone! I will never compromise my peace for the purposes of accepting someone else as being a jerk – and, It is highly unlikely that I’ll intentionally put myself in harm’s way without reason!

My thought for today, I have to do better! The expression of hate is human but doesn’t help in my quest to do better / be better. I know better; therefore, I must have better control of my emotional response and reaction. Failure to achieve such means that I’ll allow someone else governance, and that’s unacceptable!

Revoking access to your life so that peace can be preserved doesn’t make you a bad person, it simply makes way for the emergence of a better version of who you are.

You Are Your Brand

Posted on by
1

I’ve always thought it appropriate to meet a person at their price point if they provide a product that I want or need. Don’t get me wrong, there’s been times that I couldn’t justify paying the asking price based on the content value offered and I’ve taken my business elsewhere but I did so without arguing the self valuation presented by the seller.

Truth be told, time spent trying to tell someone what their time and talent is worth is wasted. Taking things a step further, I’m soliciting their service because I’m not in possession of the ability to manufacture the goods myself.

I’ve spent some time thinking about relationships failed and had an ah ha moment. Each time I ended up with a broken heart it was the result of me devaluing myself for the purposes of being more desirable.

At some point in life what others thought of me became less important than what I thought of myself. My circle changed and I found myself drawn to people that simultaneously empowered me to want better while encouraging me to be better.

Portfolios became more important than parties, traveling became more of an interest than $2 Tuesdays, and I became deaf to cat calls from the crowd.

I also noticed my expectations changed. The urge of wanting to be desired was replaced by the need to be respected. A place where that need could not be met was a place I could not revel in.

A shift occurred and I began to reassess my worth. I no longer felt the need to discount myself so that I could belong and I stopped allowing others to convince me that my self valuation was too high.

We are each representatives of our individual brand! We have to perform a self analysis of our worth and that’s the valuation we need to present to the world. Someone will surely come into our life and cause us to question our asking price – can you discount yourself without having regrets later? If not allow them to shop somewhere else!

Trials of the Heart

Posted on by
Reply

You’re hearby sworn in and the court is ready to hear your testimony. Remember the verdict isn’t final and the condition of your heart may be damaged, temporarily.

Excess time spent together suggests your presence is appreciated but is that merely minutes wasted? Are there episodes of laughter hours long or is there silence lingering within the bond seconds at a time?

Are you prone to give your all without expectation only to be left wondering if a caring heart can continually accept without giving anything in return?

Have you clearly declared your desire for someone with sincerity, but it feels as if they’re so cold to affection that they can’t embrace your truth – will they not allow themselves to be the chosen one?

Oh, the chosen one….. is that where the problem lies? Would being the needed one make the relationship easier to navigate? Could you relying on them for your sense of being make time move at a heartbeats pace?

Actions speak louder than words…….or do they? This is one of those grey areas that often times require more than a quick verdict. The case has been presented for consideration………

all evidence has been reviewed…..

and the verdict, go with what you feel, your gut will never lead you down the wrong path. Trust yourself to be strong enough, even when it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Lastly, love yourself unconditionally – that’s how you’ll heal a damaged heart.

The Recipe of Love

Posted on by
Reply

A listening ear: emphatically attached to the needs of loved ones while tuned in to the outside world listening for the sound of harm in the bushes.

A shoulder to cry on: during the good and the bad that life offers – broad enough for the troubles of the world yet gentle enough to absorb every tear.

A kind word: perfectly formulated to build and encourage yet skillfully trained to defend when all other defenses fail.

A gentle touch: it speaks the perfect combination of comfort, support, and encouragement without the need to converse.

A smile: it’s warm and welcoming! When perfectly timed it convinces the world that all is well.

Eyes: they tell the stories buried deep within, that’s where the essence of a person is stored. Every truth, every emotion, every like and dislike- the eyes speak what the lips won’t.

Peace: inhale it, fill your lungs with it and exhale it into the atmosphere. This is the secret ingredient in the recipe of love!

I’ve saved a seat at the table for you – come dine with me!

Apologetically Flawed

Posted on by
2

Today I snapped and yelled at a person that wasn’t the source of my frustration but was the closest to me at the moment my tolerance boiled over.

In that moment, which lasted too long, I became someone I didn’t like.

Transparency Alert: there is a side of me that’s short tempered, unforgiving, judgemental and opinionated. When that side comes out I will scream, curse, and say / do whatever it takes to ensure everyone within ear shot knows someone / something has irritated me.

Just as I began to develop signs of blood pressure elevation the following thought came to mind: “let he who has not sinned throw the first stone”. This replayed in my head until the anger and frustration were gone reminding me that at some point in time I’ve been the source of someone else’s irritation. I have surely done or said something that has caused another person to lose control of themselves and in my arrogance I expected that person to be ok with my actions.

Why would a person accept ugly behaviors from me and why should I accept such from someone else? The answer is quite simple, they shouldn’t and I shouldn’t – nor should I or anyone else use a bad day as justification for idiotic behaviors.

What if I adopt a mantra and recite it to myself throughout the course of my day – would that minimize the opportunity for frustration to build? Could I have my favorite song in a mental storage space to turn on when needed as a stress release? Better yet, can I fix my focus on the person I want to become giving no energy to the ugliness weaved into my character?

This thought doesn’t end with an at my best moment, because today I failed to be such. Instead, it ends with a couple of apologies – one is due to the undeserving person that I lashed out at and the other is due to myself for falling short of my expectations for myself.

Reset button activated!

Tomorrow I sing myself into a peaceful state of being.

The key to your happiness

Posted on by
Reply

For my birthday last year I asked everyone to share something with me they’ve never stated. It could be via letter, email, or text. Out of the multitude of friends / family / associates that had access to my request the number of responses I received were few in number.

Those that took the time to respond provided some valuable feedback, some of which lead to the formation of this blog. All of the feedback had me feeling like I’m a pretty amazing human! The words of a few even inflated my ego and not one person shared a negative sentiment – which brings me to today’s thought…….

I asked for letters so I could do a self analysis prior to turning 50 this year. I wanted to know what I’ve done well so that I could build upon those behaviors and what I’ve done poorly so I could correct those actions. What I learned is that I already knew what I do well, I already knew who would respond, and aside from a couple of surprises I was dead on. What I didn’t realize is that I subconsciously wanted a specific individual in my life to respond. I wanted that individual to share sentiments never spoken. I wanted …….. so much so that I burst my own bubble of happiness by questioning why I didn’t receive that which I asked for.

How often do we grant someone custody of our joy? I’d argue that if we sit and think about it the answer is too often.

I’m caring, I’m thoughtful, I’m engaging, I’m always there for others, I’m a confidant and a protector of those I care about. I know that I am because multiple people confirmed that’s who I am. People told me what I already knew about myself and it felt good to know that my perception of self is accurate but all of that wasn’t enough because one person didn’t say so.

The area that requires improvement wasn’t spoken, it was realized. My internal and external response to not getting a letter from that person showed a flaw within me, something that needs correction. My happiness isn’t given to me by man so how had I allowed man to chip away at it?

How often do you have a good day until someone comes along and ruins it? How many times have you been excited about plans you made then changed them to suit the interest of someone else? How many times have you questioned your greatness because no one else acknowledged it? If you can relate to any of these scenarios you, much like myself, need to take back control of your happiness.

You know who you are, you’ve been living with yourself for a long time. Who you are is enough – even if that person never says so! I’m going to continue being who I am, who those whose lives I’ve touched say I am.

Do a self analysis of who you are. Build upon the good, correct the bad, converse with a higher power (mine is God), and don’t allow joy killers residency in your heart nor mind!

That person never shared a sentiment, and to this day, almost 90 days after my birthday, still hasn’t and guess what… I’m ok with that!