“Ain’t no way for me to love you
If you won’t let me
It ain’t no way for me to give you all ya need
If you won’t let me give all of me” Aretha Franklin – “Ain’t No Way” – 1968

It’s amusing to me that a song released three years prior to my birth is on my top twenty five favorites list, but it is. It has become my anthem of understanding in an odd way and you might catch me singing the intro whenever I need to be reminded of my purpose.

Knowing a loved one is in the midst of a storm sends me a signal to throw on a cape and rush in to save the day, but what happens when they don’t want to be rescued? How can I fulfill my obligation to help when I’m being shut down and / or shut out?

My obligation?? Let’s think about that for a moment! How have the struggles someone else is enduring become my obligation to fix? Why have I placed that burden upon myself time and time again? Have the words I need you been spoken or is it assumed that because I have means my presence is requested? Who gave me the responsibility of being everything to everybody and who is obligated to keep me together?

Keeping myself together is obligatory! It’s required that I provide myself with nourishment and proper rest, among other things. Without that I can’t be all of me, nor will I be equipped to be any of what my loved one needs IF they call on me.

Putting myself first isn’t selfish, it’s simply a way of ensuring that when I offer myself to another person’s situation I am providing the best version of myself there is.

Understanding that I occasionally need time to myself has helped me appreciate when another person says they want to be alone, even when the urge to swoop in rages.

{exhale} Someone I adore is going through something heavy right now and has stated that they need time alone. I’m devastated for them but respect the space they’re in. I’ve found myself singing tonight…….