Tag Archives: #bebetter

Urgent Reminder

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I need to remind myself of a few things this evening ……..

1) Bring the best version of yourself to every situation – there’s no guarantee you’ll be received with open arms but you’ll walk away with no regrets.

2) Don’t hesitate to give up anything or anyone that causes you to question your worth.

3) There are a lot of broken people with good intentions, don’t allow everyone to pour into you.

3.1) The person / place / or thing that leaves you feeling inspired is what / who you should gravitate towards.

3.2) The person / place / or thing that leaves you mentally drained shouldn’t have a permanent position at your table.

4) Your bad days are temporary, don’t exist within those moments long term.

5) you are more than enough! You are more than enough! YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH!

I tend to get inside of my own head when something isn’t going right. I’ve learned that my sanity rests within the narrative of my thoughts – so anytime I’m feeling mentally overwhelmed I recite positive affirmations to encourage myself. In talking with a friend recently I was asked “why not encourage yourself before there’s trouble on the horizon?” – Great idea!

Let’s talk about alcoholism

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There’s a family secret invading households that doesn’t show discrimination – financial security doesn’t exempt you – gender preference doesn’t protect you – race nor religion won’t make the battle less difficult!

This secret damages self esteem and morale leaving hurt along its path. If ignored or swept under the rug long enough the battle passes down from generation to generation, terrorizing bloodlines.

For today’s thought I spoke to someone near and dear to my heart about her struggle with alcohol. I’ve celebrated her best and supported her through her worst, never truly understanding what her worst looked like behind closed doors. She’s my cousin but more like a sister, here is a glimpse into her life as an alcoholic.

Q: How did you know you had a problem with alcohol?

A: There were times I would say I wasn’t going to drink today or this week then next thing I knew I was drinking. I graduated from casually wanting a drink to needing a drink to function daily. I lost self control! The first of the twelve steps as it relates to Alcoholics Anonymous is to admit we are powerless over alcohol and that our life has become unmanageable.

Q: How has addiction affected your family?

A: I’m well loved and cared for and I know this for sure! My mom told me I needed to get help probably everyday. She threatened to have my kids taken from me, the whole nine yards, lol! My concern came when I could no longer be in denial about how my children were being affected. I was present physically but mentally and emotionally I was not there for them. At the end of the day everyone has a suggestion and or opinion, especially from the outside looking in, but none of that mattered until I began to dislike the person I had become.

Q: What was your breaking point?

A: My rock bottom was blacking out: not being able to remember long moments of time, phone calls being made, text being sent, ordering take out for the kids dinner, cussing people out for no reason other than me being drunk (although it is said a drunk tongue speaks a sober heart) so maybe they did deserve it – but seriously blacking out did it for me because I could only imagine it getting worse if it continued. Then there were the constant hangovers and uncontrollable shakes, yup all that going on became too much! Drinking was no longer pleasurable, my tolerance was increasing and it became an expensive habit.

Q: What does “one day at a time” look like in your life?

A: Simply put, just as I feel about the first step it means exactly what it says one day at a time – but for me there are moments when its one second, one minute, one hour at a time so each day is monumental for sure when you are an addict. It’s also the inspiration for my next tattoo and a possible name for my business venture.

Q: What advice can you provide someone struggling with alcoholism?

A: Find YOUR reason and believe in a higher power, something / someone higher than yourself – allow that to guide and motivate you. Do not allow yourself to be pressured, forced, manipulated or guilt tripped into seeking help IF you’re not ready. Its your journey and yours alone no matter how big your support system is (which is a beautiful thing, mine is da bomb). No one is in control of your sobriety but you! Keep in mind relapse is a part of sobriety as well so if that happens, tomorrow is a new day!

Cindy Maria is the mother of two and a Glam-ma of two. She’s born and raised in Philadelphia and the oldest of four children. In addition to making her business concept a reality she works full time and rarely misses an opportunity to create memories with family and friends. I thank her for allowing me to share her truth, in hopes of helping someone else.

If you or someone you love is an alcoholic and ready to get help please visit: http://www.aa.org

Access Denied

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I caught myself speaking of an individual recently and the comment I made was “I hate him”. Instantly I felt convicted and corrected myself by way of apology and asking the Lord to remove the spirit of hate from within me.

I’m a firm believer that words have power; therefore, speaking hate into the atmosphere gives it strength.

When thinking of why my initial reaction in regards to this individual was less than loving I realized the essence of who he is isn’t loveable. There may be a back story that explains his reason for spreading droplets of misery everywhere he travels, but I’m totally not interested in those details nor his excuses – they should be reserved for his therapist!

My mother tells me regularly that I have to accept people for who they are and deal with them accordingly. I respectfully disagree – I don’t have to deal with levels of ignorance that incite rage within me! There’s not a scripture that says I have to stand as a whipping post for anyone! I will never compromise my peace for the purposes of accepting someone else as being a jerk – and, It is highly unlikely that I’ll intentionally put myself in harm’s way without reason!

My thought for today, I have to do better! The expression of hate is human but doesn’t help in my quest to do better / be better. I know better; therefore, I must have better control of my emotional response and reaction. Failure to achieve such means that I’ll allow someone else governance, and that’s unacceptable!

Revoking access to your life so that peace can be preserved doesn’t make you a bad person, it simply makes way for the emergence of a better version of who you are.

Go Ahead and Be Great

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I’d argue that “Let me be great” is one of the most asinine pronouncements of independence an adult could ever make.

Think about everytime you’ve heard the declaration, was the great one trying to explain away a dumb action on their part? Were they convincing themselves that the wrongdoing they were engaged in was a minor infraction? Were they hoping you’d bow down in submission to their every day average behavior?

Do you ever hear the people that are doing great things boast about their superiority? Dr. Ala Stanford, and the Black Doctor’s Covid-19 Consortium, arguably could be a forerunner for a humanitarian award – her every press conference is focused on the work still left to be done. She is being great!

Stacey Abrams was robbed of an election victory. She turned her defeat into a platform that changed the political climate of Georgia for years to come. We, the people, speak about how bad ass she is – she speaks of the need to not become complacent. She is being great!

Aisha Drayton loss her son because a punk with a gun decided to come to her home and kill him. She poured her grief into creating I’s Visision, a foundation in his memory, and now provides fundamental services to children in need. She is being great!

If you’re out here being great is there a track record / resume that affirms your eminence or is your metric based upon the number of designer items you possess?

I currently reside in a city plagued by violence. Homicide rates are on track to be the highest we’ve ever seen and a huge number of the victims haven’t reached adulthood. I can’t claim greatness while families around me are struggling to cope and I have nothing to offer. Somewhere in the midst of this darkness is a phoenix yet to be realized – that person will be great!

Greatness is within each of us! Let’s put it in action so others will see our works – I dare you to!

Baker Status

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I was watching the movie “One Night in Miami” and Sam Cooke, in the midst of an arguement with Malcolm X, made a statement that stung me. He said “everybody talks about how they want a piece of the pie – well I don’t! I want the (expletive) recipe”.

Think about that for a moment!

I have a job! I pay bills! I’m active in my community! I’ve become content with a slice of the pie! Why haven’t I gone after the recipe? Is it hidden from me, have I not evolved into the mindset of a baker, or is the baker a broader concept than I realize?

A few years ago there was an abundance of discussion on the 2nd Amendment. I knew that to be the right to bear arms but the process was foreign. In an effort to make more informed election decisions which would benefit me and my house I applied for a license to carry (LTC) a concealed weapon. To my surprise, the process was incredibly elementary and lead me to being in favor of tougher processes.

I sat on my LTC for a couple of years content with taking that step, but uninterested in the bigger picture. One day during a conversation with a friend it was brought to my attention that I formed an opinion based on partial research, gun legislation is far more complex than my little license. With that in mind I decided to purchase a weapon for concealed carry purposes.

I did a ton of research on the best guns for women, the various methods of carrying, and the laws of my city (note: they vary from those of my state). I went to a gun show armed with my driver’s license and a credit card, after a couple of hours I left with a 9mm, a user manual, and a belief that we are not protected from the dangers of ourselves.

I’ve since aligned myself with an association of gun owners – for a voice, and plan to join a gun club – for training. There’s a whole lot of us that own guns but aren’t making decisions. The decision makers hold the recipe, while we just have a slice of the pie.

It took going through this flawed process of exercising my right for me to realize that it’s ok to sync with others to achieve baker status – it may even be necessary for the community at large to benefit.

Ask yourself what slice of the pie have you become content with? Are there other slice holders you can connect with to achieve baker status?

Slices feed individuals; however, the whole pie feeds the community!

Jealousy vs Envy

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I was in the midst of getting my last wink this morning when I heard a news report on jealousy being ok. Without opening my eyes I thought to myself “no, it’s not ok – it’s one of the deadly sins”. I must have thought out loud because when I got up awhile later my phone had searched the deadly sins. 

Thought: while I’m praying to have a closer walk with God, He’s making a clear path for me to follow. Things with familial relevancy which have been passed down for generations don’t necessarily have a scriptural foundation – that’s where uncertainty resides.

The Bible states rather strongly that jealousy should be avoided but it’s not one of the deadly sins – envy is.

I began to think about the difference between the two, and this time asked Google to assist. There’s an extremely thin line that separates the two, which explains why the ancestors taught of jealousy being unforgivable in the eyes of God. 

Envy requires a spirit of covetousness whereas jealousy is rooted in lack. One who is envious believes they are more entitled to a position / lifestyle / etc and strongly despises individuals because of their status. The jealous person wants what someone else has and at times will go to extremes to get it.

Hypothetical Scenario: two children are in a room playing. One has blocks the other has books. Both children are happy until the child with the books notices the blocks. The jealous child will abandon the books and go take the blocks because they represent another level of happiness. The envious child will hold on to the books and go take the blocks because the other child shouldn’t be happy.

I’ve made purchases I couldn’t afford because “I had to have it”. I’ve gone places I couldn’t afford to be because “I had to go”. I have a jealous nature! In recognizing this in myself I’ve made some internal changes in the way I operate. Before buying something I ask myself “do you need this or do you want it”. If it’s a need it’s purchased without second thought; however, if it’s a want I’ll get around to it after awhile – if interest lingers.

If I give into a want I’ll make an adjustment elsewhere. For example, I saw a pair of shoes recently that I really want – I didn’t purchase them because they’re too expensive but I’m eyeballing them for a sale. I’m also going through the boxes in my closet to see what I can give away: making sure I’m not holding on to the blocks and the books.

Avoid envy, curtail jealousy, and prioritize your needs over your wants. Oh, and while you’re at it check the settings on your Google Assistant cause it is definitely listening.

This is for the ladies

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Somewhere along our journey we were taught that it’s improper to talk about female matters openly. THAT’S DUMB!

If those matters weren’t a secret I would have known years ago that my mother has cystic breast and maybe the process of finding a lump would not have terrified me to the point of tears. I shared everything I learned with anyone that would listen in hopes of providing a detour from panic attacks and anxiety.

There’s an image of my mammogram posted on social media with a plea to my female friends to take their breast health seriously. People can see my breast and identify my cyst so that if one ever appears on their images it won’t seem frighteningly foreign.

I know my body, I understand the triggers that cause my cyst to swell, and I can calculate approximately when they’ll be at their worst. I’m good – so I thought.

More recently, I’ve been told that I am premenopausal. I’ve been anxiously awaiting this process for years, not nervous but ready to embrace this next chapter. I was advised of the potential side effects: hot flashes, mood swings, weight gain, etc. I prepared a plan to cope and waited for the change to happen.

Several months into the premenopausal cycle I noticed my monthly became erratic . I transitioned from a 26 day routine to a 30, 37, 42 day routine. I was totally ok with that because I knew it meant menopause was closer.

Educational break: menopause has not been reached until you’ve gone without a menstrual cycle for 12 months straight. Menopause lasts for 1 day then you’re considered to be in the post menopausal phase.

After a few months I noticed a change in post period discharge and chalked it up to the fluctuations in cycle days. It wasn’t painful nor embarrassing – it just looked and smelled different. I made a mental note to mention it to my gynecologist and kept living my best life.

I’m 14 months into premenopause without having achieved a cycle free quarter, so that full year isn’t happening anytime soon. I have hot flashes, but they’re bearable. I’m a Sagittarius so mood swings come naturally and I love food so weight gain is expected. What wasn’t predicted was the drop in estrogen creating a rise in the vaginal ph level resulting in an overgrowth of bacteria.

That change in discharge that I noticed was caused by bacterial vaginosis (b.v.) B.V. is often characterized by a change in discharge and a not so fresh smell, sometimes fishy. It can clear by itself but for some women it requires treatment. Testing to confirm b.v. is painless and the results were available in a few days.

My gynecologist thought it best to prescribe a gel insert treatment and we’re hoping this isn’t my new norm until I reach menopause. If it is, there’s a long term plan for that as well, one that I’ll happily share if I need to cross that bridge.

My thought for tonight: let’s talk about our body. Let’s educate ourselves and others on the multitude of complications that exist within our temple. Suffering in silence doesn’t benefit us nor does it offer support to other women dealing with the same situation.

If you’ve noticed any changes in your body speak to a medical professional. YouTube University and Dr. Google can’t replace proper diagnosis and treatment – you’ll thank yourself later!

Trials of the Heart

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You’re hearby sworn in and the court is ready to hear your testimony. Remember the verdict isn’t final and the condition of your heart may be damaged, temporarily.

Excess time spent together suggests your presence is appreciated but is that merely minutes wasted? Are there episodes of laughter hours long or is there silence lingering within the bond seconds at a time?

Are you prone to give your all without expectation only to be left wondering if a caring heart can continually accept without giving anything in return?

Have you clearly declared your desire for someone with sincerity, but it feels as if they’re so cold to affection that they can’t embrace your truth – will they not allow themselves to be the chosen one?

Oh, the chosen one….. is that where the problem lies? Would being the needed one make the relationship easier to navigate? Could you relying on them for your sense of being make time move at a heartbeats pace?

Actions speak louder than words…….or do they? This is one of those grey areas that often times require more than a quick verdict. The case has been presented for consideration………

all evidence has been reviewed…..

and the verdict, go with what you feel, your gut will never lead you down the wrong path. Trust yourself to be strong enough, even when it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Lastly, love yourself unconditionally – that’s how you’ll heal a damaged heart.

The Recipe of Love

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A listening ear: emphatically attached to the needs of loved ones while tuned in to the outside world listening for the sound of harm in the bushes.

A shoulder to cry on: during the good and the bad that life offers – broad enough for the troubles of the world yet gentle enough to absorb every tear.

A kind word: perfectly formulated to build and encourage yet skillfully trained to defend when all other defenses fail.

A gentle touch: it speaks the perfect combination of comfort, support, and encouragement without the need to converse.

A smile: it’s warm and welcoming! When perfectly timed it convinces the world that all is well.

Eyes: they tell the stories buried deep within, that’s where the essence of a person is stored. Every truth, every emotion, every like and dislike- the eyes speak what the lips won’t.

Peace: inhale it, fill your lungs with it and exhale it into the atmosphere. This is the secret ingredient in the recipe of love!

I’ve saved a seat at the table for you – come dine with me!

Apologetically Flawed

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Today I snapped and yelled at a person that wasn’t the source of my frustration but was the closest to me at the moment my tolerance boiled over.

In that moment, which lasted too long, I became someone I didn’t like.

Transparency Alert: there is a side of me that’s short tempered, unforgiving, judgemental and opinionated. When that side comes out I will scream, curse, and say / do whatever it takes to ensure everyone within ear shot knows someone / something has irritated me.

Just as I began to develop signs of blood pressure elevation the following thought came to mind: “let he who has not sinned throw the first stone”. This replayed in my head until the anger and frustration were gone reminding me that at some point in time I’ve been the source of someone else’s irritation. I have surely done or said something that has caused another person to lose control of themselves and in my arrogance I expected that person to be ok with my actions.

Why would a person accept ugly behaviors from me and why should I accept such from someone else? The answer is quite simple, they shouldn’t and I shouldn’t – nor should I or anyone else use a bad day as justification for idiotic behaviors.

What if I adopt a mantra and recite it to myself throughout the course of my day – would that minimize the opportunity for frustration to build? Could I have my favorite song in a mental storage space to turn on when needed as a stress release? Better yet, can I fix my focus on the person I want to become giving no energy to the ugliness weaved into my character?

This thought doesn’t end with an at my best moment, because today I failed to be such. Instead, it ends with a couple of apologies – one is due to the undeserving person that I lashed out at and the other is due to myself for falling short of my expectations for myself.

Reset button activated!

Tomorrow I sing myself into a peaceful state of being.