Tag Archives: #anxiety

Let’s talk about: overcoming fear

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I recall friendships as far back as my teenage years. I’ll categorize myself as being lucky because I’m halfway through adulthood and the love between myself and the majority of those individuals still exist.

There’s one particular friendship that started off quite rocky – in actuality I don’t know how we made it this far without killing one another and truth be told you can’t leave us together too long now without there being an arguement or two. Having said that, there’s nothing within my power that I won’t do to help her and I trust that to be reciprocal.

The pandemic hasn’t been kind to her, it actually wouldn’t be extreme to say she’s been through hell and spends everyday fighting to find her way back to normalcy.  This edition of “Let’s talk about” focuses on Erica C. McLean (Ricky): a proud member of Woodcrest United Church of Christ, a retired teacher, and a Godmom / Auntie to many.

To begin with allow me to share with you the medical conditions Ricky lives with on a daily basis: Fibromyalgia, Lipo Lymphedema, Morbid Obesity, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, Hypertension, Sciatica, Migraines, and ADHD. This is important because it’s a major contributor to her most recent diagnosis which presented itself in 2020.

As the constant report of people dying from Covid-19 complications played on our airwaves Ricky was forced to accept that she was at risk due to multiple comorbidities. This realization resulted in her isolating herself in her home, alone – it also created a space for anxiety to seep in – a space she has been unable to escape from for the past fifteen months.

About six months ago I started receiving hand written letters in the mail from my friend. They’d come once a month and include show / music recommendations, words of positive affirmation in regards to my brand, drawings, and whatever else was on Ricky’s heart / mind. She doesn’t know this yet but I cried when I got the first letter, partly because I’m now on the hook to write back (which I haven’t done yet) and partly because those conversations we once had around food and drinks is limited to paper and pen because fear keeps her from leaving her home.

I’ve heard of agoraphobia in the past but needed more knowledge in order to understand why the dynamics of my friendship changed. I needed to know if there was something I could do to help her through this, other than going to her house and snatching her out kicking and screaming- which was my first thought.

Once she became transparent I learned that she’s already working with a mental health provider in addition to her health team and writing letters are a part of maintaining contact with loved ones. She’s fighting and it’s my job to be ringside for every round, that’s the best source of support I can provide.

I asked my friend to share a few thoughts on her current status, these are her words:

Please check on your family, friends and neighbors. Black and Brown People, it is okay to get counseling /
therapy. Even in the pandemic I have been Zooming my Doctors, and Church Activities. I Facetime family and friends, I journal daily, I read the Bible more. Our church has a prayer group twice a week. Still be active in life while you are fixing your life. I may not be able to step outside my house right now, but I have stepped out of my comfort zone in other ways. I am learning new skills for when I get my
anxiety level controlled and can physically enter back into society.

Let’s talk about anxiety

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This platform is a means of sharing my thoughts, and I often find myself thinking of other people. Since taking the step of starting this blog my prayer has consistently been that the words I share will help someone else become a better version of themselves.

There are a lot of conditions plaguing the community that have been labeled taboo to talk about. Because of this stigma people are suffering in silence. This has to end!

According to the “Anxiety and Depression Association of America” 40 million adults in the United States suffer from anxiety. Why aren’t we talking about this?

I asked a friend to share her story of living with anxiety. I sent her questions that she could answer at her own pace, which I will share with you all. She completed the questionnaire in one night and text me that putting her faults on paper was overwhelming. I can’t tell you how proud I am of her for sharing – today we talk about the elephant in the room!

Q) How does living with anxiety feel?

A) Living with anxiety is going throughout the day doubting myself, my actions, and my words. It’s feeling that I cannot live up to expectations others have of me. I feel like my every thought is being judged and my every action is being critiqued. I’m always waiting for the worst case scenario. I feel like I can never truly be happy nor do I deserve to be happy. I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin, then I feel guilty for feeling this way. 

Q) What has your worst day felt like and what triggered it?

A) To pinpoint my worst day is difficult to do. My anxiety presents itself during any given moment of the day – anything can trigger a bad moment. When I have my bad moments it can feel like anything and everything agitates me! Something complex like a project that I’m working on isn’t turning out the way I want it to or something as simple as there’s too much chatter surrounding me can trigger my anxiety. I’ll then get more agitated because I want to sit in silence and can’t understand how people can just go on as normal, when I feel the way I do, unable to understand or unwilling to care.

Q) What methods of coping help you?

A) My ability to cope is different every time: it could be turning on music, or starting up a conversation on something totally different, playing a game on my phone, and even throwing myself into my work. To feel I have accomplished something helps with some part of my anxiety, there’s a sense of peace in knowing that I’ve made a difference to someone.

Q) What do you want people to know about anxiety?

A) ANXIETY HURTS! It hurts in ways both physical and mental. The tension throughout your body makes you feel like a big rubber band – or it settles in one part of your body. In some people it feels like they are having a heart attack, for me it hurts my brain and my soul. Telling someone to “relax” when they are dealing with anxiety does not help – I want to wind down and worry less, but I can’t. If it were as easy as just relaxing don’t you think I would. 

Q) What has anxiety limited you from doing?

A) Anxiety has limited my ability to speak my mind, and has robbed me of confidence. It makes me feel I cannot be at ease in some situations, cause I’m afraid that people will judge me. Maybe I would have a different life if I didn’t feel so limited in myself. 

Q) Where have you found strength:

A) My strength is my son! He is the reason I get up, I work, I live. I know I will need more, especially as he starts exploring life on his own. As he gets older he’ll need me less and I will need to find the strength in me for me. 

If you are dealing with anxiety please know that you’re not alone in the struggle. There is help available: go to adaa.org for information or contact your healthcare provider. You deserve happiness!

Kristi, you are a ROCKSTAR and your breakthrough is on the horizon. You are more than enough and sharing your story will help someone else through theirs. I’m one of your biggest supporters, yesterday-today-tomorrow.