I took a spiritual gift analysis years ago that outlined my strengths and weaknesses. The results were interesting, but I didn’t explore them in depth.  A few years later I tested again, with little to no variation in the findings  – again, I acknowledged but didn’t act.

It has become difficult for me to ignore my greatest strength recently. In fact, I’ll say it’s been hard not to walk in my gift.

I spoke with a young person today who believes they are in a hopeless state. The conversation was one of the most difficult I’ve endured, but I got through. Most importantly, I got them through! I hung up feeling that I hadn’t done enough but realizing I did all I could – yet  here I sit unable to unwind!

The results of my analysis caution those with my gift not to become consumed with the circumstances of others, but I didn’t read how to prevent it from happening …..

I don’t know how to keep it from happening!

My heart hurts tonight for the child that feels unloved in this world – for the adult incapable of loving – for those with the gift of mercy showing that can’t find peace in this moment because the troubles of the world are heavy.

I’ll lay awake tonight and take the analysis again, confident that the results haven’t changed but now willing to accept my gift and operate within it.

I was certain that I’d be able to continue life happily ever after never realizing a gift ignored is simply deferred. The problem is that deference doesn’t last eternally.