Today was one of the most difficult days of my life. It started out as any other morning, talking to a friend while driving to the office. As I drove down Haines I caught a small framed person, I believed to be a child, laying on a brick wall – head propped up on a pink backpack – still.

There was an older gentleman that pulled over and I noticed he was on the phone, I assumed calling EMS. As I continued to drive a feeling of something being terribly wrong came over me and I mentioned to my friend that I needed to turn around – to see if there was anything I could do to help in that moment.

It seemed to take forever for me to make my way back to the corner but I arrived at the same time fire and rescue pulled up, the small framed person laying in the same place – still!

The range of emotions I went through for the next couple of hours can’t be explained, but I clearly recall feeling guilt and blame. Guilt because I passed by at first and blame as if I were the person with a remedy.

My mother activated a team to get hands on me until she could get to me, my work family covered me in prayer, and I uncontrollably wept.

I don’t know the outcome of the still soul laying on the brick wall, head propped on a pink backpack – but I’m confident that the man on the phone was who God intended to be there.

My instinct will always be to help, at times to the degree of mentally and physically overwhelming myself …. I’m so thankful that the Lord protected me from myself today. While I wanted to go back and help it definitely would have been a lot for me to process mentally, honestly the image of that still human laying on the wall – head resting on a pink backpack is too much!

I can rest tonight because I know people prayed for me, but before I slumber in peace I’ll pray for the man on the phone – that he too is comfortably resting.