There’s a tune that plays in the mind of a lonely heart. Its lyrics seem to have been written specifically for you. It’ll allow you peace, temporarily – but never long enough to let you escape from its grasp. Its base causes your heart rate to accelerate, temporarily – but then it fades leaving you craving it.

My dance with the devil started on a warm and sunny Memorial Day. My routine wasn’t anything out of the ordinary – time with my bestie at a place we frequented regularly. Our conversation and laughter were interrupted by a voice speaking the lyrics of my lonely heart. Ordinarily I’m extremely reserved, standoff-ish is probably more accurate, but I was drawn to him – immediately.

Six foot two, two seventy five, caramel coated, and absolutely arrogant. He introduced himself to my bestie first, informing her he’d be the one to steal my time and attention. He turned to me with the most gorgeous smile I’d ever seen and said I’m your future, you’re going to love me to the point of hate. The next several hours were spent in deep conversation, the rest of the evening in textversation. Those hours turned into days, days into months, months into years – four to be exact.

The tune in my thoughts were replaced by a specimen of perfection that enjoyed my presence. I was so enamored with him that I never noticed his inability to be available on holidays nor his unwillingness to explore unknown territory. He fed me enough details about his life to make me feel comfortable, to make me trust him – until I no longer could.

He called one evening to cancel our plans at the last minute. Knowing he needed to provide explanation he told me he’d received a terminal diagnosis and was hospitalized for emergency treatment. I WAS DEVASTATED! I immediately wanted to pack up and run to be by his side only to hear him say “You can’t come” – While the back of my mind always knew, the reality was a beast to reckon with.

Throughout his treatments communication became scarce, compliments were nonexistent, and time for me didn’t exist. The lonely heart returned, and so did the tune. I tried to ignore it and ended up on blood pressure medication. I tried to deny it and ended up running into others of like kind – but this time around I was able to mute the song. I learned a lesson from my dance!

There are individuals who dance with drugs, some dance with alcohol, I dance with temptation. Temptation awaits me in places I wouldn’t suspect; therefore, I have to expect it. I escaped my first dance with a broken heart and story to tell, everyone isn’t as lucky. What’s your dance?

Oh, and I don’t hate him. I’ll shoot him a text once in awhile to see how his health is but he no longer responds – I’m ok with that!