I’ve often thought about booking a session with a psychic medium, in fact I’ve told a friend that I’ll go with her one day. She recently loss her mother and wants the opportunity to hear from her once again – the hope of the medium providing that moment is simultaneously exciting and overwhelming for her.

My request is different! It’s been 11 years since my sister suddenly passed away. I was there while the doctor’s were trying to figure out what was going on with her, I was beside her when she said she was scared, I watched as life support was disconnected, I stayed until her last breath. I’ve often wondered if she knew she wasn’t alone and if peace replaced fear prior to her death.

I’m torn between believing in the ability of the medium and being grounded in my faith. While I trust and believe in the scriptures that speak to a grieving soul I’m still drawn to the possibility that there’s a message awaiting me that I’ve yet to receive.

I grew up in a family with people that possessed an ability to converse with loved ones gone. From stories I’ve been told, most had dreams of revelation while others could see / hear / feel the presence of ancestors. As a child I found it scary – as a teen I didn’t give it any thought – as an adult I’m wondering if that ability died with them or if someone from my generation is in possession of the ability and has yet to tap into it.

As a small child I had an imaginary friend named Monster Bobby. As my mother tells the story he and I were inseparable. While outside one day the neighbor heard us playing and became emotional. She had a son named Bobby that tragically died, prior to my parents purchasing their home, while outside in their yard. He rolled down the embankment and a tree branch lodged in his nose and punctured his brain. It turns out that my friend was more ghost than imaginary – sorta like my very own Casper.

Some years later my paternal grandmother passed away. I recall being in my room with my sister and a maybe a cousin. As I laid in my top bunk an image that looked and sounded like grandma hovered over me. I took flight and ran out of the house long before learning the reason for the visit, in fact I wasn’t interested in the reunion.

As an adult I met friends in New Orleans. We decided to participate in the ghost walk. Upon entering the store to purchase tickets I became ill – sweating, dizziness, nausea and headache. The shop employee told me to leave the store immediately and explained “they’re all trying to communicate with you”. You can imagine I wasn’t interested in having a conversation, my only concern was why this happened to me and my girlfriends weren’t affected.

This takes me back to if someone from my generation is in possession of the ability and has yet to tap into it …… who do you talk to about this without people thinking you’re crazy? Is this an area in which I should be praying for a better understanding of or deliverance from?

Ironically, I rarely remember dreams, something tells me the answers I seek are hidden there. I’m more open to ancestral visitation now than I was when my grandmother passed – although I’m not posting a welcome sign on my bedroom door any time soon. Taking time to talk this out has provided me a new prayer:

Lord, I ask that my dreams become clear and the message they contain come fourth. I ask understanding of the knowledge that may present itself and the ability to handle the weight of the responsibility. I ask that you remain present as my protector and provider and not allow access to anything meant to harm me. I trust your will for my life and embrace both the unknown and unexpected. This I ask in your name, Amen!

Maybe my sister will be the first to visit my dreams – she was always better with saving than me so it would totally be like her to bypass the medium so I could save a few bucks. I’ll keep you updated!