Today I’m feeling the weight of the world, and it’s heavier than I can bear. I’m exhausted in my place of comfort and frustrated with the inhabitants. There’s a sickness hidden within the walls that I’m no longer equipped to deal with. This isn’t a thought of defeat – it’s simply a thought of disgust!

I failed when I accepted the “I’m fine” assertion – yea, that was a complete disservice to myself and the situation. By the time I accepted that I couldn’t correct the behaviors it was too late.

I reached out to others for assistance and they tried, but how do you help a person that doesn’t know they need help nor want it?

The easiest thing to do is to remove myself from the situation, but that action wouldn’t prove to be advantageous – in fact it may do more harm. The more difficult option won’t be well received by any means, but it’s heavily in consideration.

I often state that I’m not an expert at anything but being Lisa, today I question my credentials.

A line from one of my favorite movies is “Sister can’t fly on only one wing” – Sparkle, 1976. Sister, played by Lonette Mckee, applied this reasoning to her need for cocaine to function. Her baby sister Sparkle, played by Irene Cara, became an addiction enabler, which was the easier route. Sister ended up dying from an overdose!

Um, enabler ….. that’s what I’ve become! There isn’t a drug involved in my situation, the dangers aren’t visible behind closed doors, but the potential for disaster exists. I know experts say a person can’t be forced into receiving help before they’re ready but in my case ready really needs to come quick!

E-X-H-A-L-E – if only choices came with a look into the future, I’m sure we’d choose differently – I know I would have swung the closed door open sooner…….