I’ve spent most of my adult life looking for someone that will love me the way I want to be loved. I don’t ask for a lot but yet I’ve failed to find someone that satisfies my needs.

That statement brings to question what my needs are……

Honesty: love can’t blossom where lies and deceit are planted.

Respect: know who I am and treat me accordingly.

Protection: make me feel safe from all that can and will go wrong.

Peace: calm my frustrations with your words

Stability: let there be no place for wonder or doubt

These needs sound reasonable right? I thought so too until someone forced me to question my relationship with myself. I was asked if I fulfill the very needs that I expect someone else to satisfy. I immediately said yes but was challenged to look deeper.

Have I always been honest with myself? Truth be told I’ve looked for love in places that I knew it didn’t exist then fell into a he should have told me state of depression when it fell apart. I didn’t need him to tell me what I already knew. He wasn’t dishonest I simply created a reality that I wanted to exist.

Have I always respected myself? Complicated question but the reality is I haven’t! I carry myself with respect, as a lady should, but I’ve been places and done things that went against my individual and personal beliefs. I’ve allowed uncomfortable stuff to surround me in an effort to fit in instead of staying true to who I am.

Have I always been my greatest protector? Not at all! There’s a multitude of situations that I’ve placed myself in that could have gone horribly wrong. (Praise break: if it had not been for the Lord on my side)!

Have I been a personal source of peace? Refer back to my responses regarding honesty, respect, and protection! Peace is never found in the midst of messy situations.

Have I provided myself with stability? I’ve made choices / decisions that continually kept me in mental turmoil. I could have decided / chosen differently but ignored all the warning signs hoping to change the outcome. It didn’t work!

Upon completion of the challenge the following was stated “until you figure out how to love yourself according to your needs you’ll never find someone else that will love you the way that you want him to”. – WOW!

Allow me to share my prayer with you – tweak it to meet your needs but add it to your daily schedule: Lord and Savior Jesus Christ I come to you today unworthy but willing. I’ve been in my own way for far too long and need You to remove me so that I may continue to grow. I need to be more to myself than I have been so that I can become all that you desire for me to be. I seek love in ways that I haven’t loved myself, help me to do better so that I can attract better. Lord you have a purpose for my life that’s been unfulfilled, get me to where I need to be so that your will can flourish. When I’ve reached the place of better I trust that love will find me, until then mold me – shape me – create in me the spirit in which you desire. This I ask in your most holy name, Amen!

I’m a work in progress but definitely loving myself more, the way I want to be loved!